Frankenhooker is a great ‘bad movie’

“Holy Jesus Christ, this could get ugly”

Medical school reject, Jeffrey Franken, conducts amateur medical experiments in his part-time. When his fiancé Elizabeth dies in a freak self-driving lawnmower accident, he becomes obsessed with resurrecting her. He succeeds, but she’s no longer the Elizabeth he knows, she’s become Frankenhooker!

That opening description should be enough to help you decide if this movie it for you or not. Frankenhooker is a low-budget horror-comedy from 1990. Never taking itself seriously allows the viewer to have a good time with what would otherwise be a terrible film. Frankenhooker easily falls into the ‘so bad its good’ category.

James Lorinz plays Jeffrey Franken as socially awkward as possible. The film opens with him experimenting on a brain with a single massive eyeball stuffed into it, which floats in a vat of purple liquid. The eye-brain is a grotesque sort of pet for Jeffrey, which oddly enough doesn’t faze any of his family. They just smile and go along with his craziness, which is exactly how you have to treat this movie. Thinking too hard about any of it will ruin the experience.

Jeffrey’s character is summed up best by his own monologue. He delivers this amazing speech to his mother Elizabeth’s grisly death.

Jeffrey’s Mom

Jeffrey, I’m worried about you.

Jeffrey

Yeah, well so am I, Ma. Something’s happening to me that I don’t understand. I can’t think straight anymore. It’s like my reasoning is all twisted and distorted, you know? I seem to be disassociating myself from reality more and more each day. I’m anti-social. I’m becoming dangerously amoral. I’ve lost the ability to distinguish right from wrong, good from bad. I’m scared, Ma. I feel like I’m plunging headfirst into some kind of black void of sheer and utter madness or something.

Jeffrey’s Mom

You want a sandwich?

Jeffrey turns down the offer of food, instead opting to have pizza and wine with preserved head of his dead fiancé. James Lorinz never dials down the crazy with Jeffrey. He maintains a manic state throughout the film. His energy feedback into every other performance. The entire film runs at high speed at all times.

Jeffrey’s plan to resurrect Elizabeth is what leads to the title character’s creation. “In a blaze of blood, bones, and body parts, the vivacious young girl was instantly reduced to a tossed human salad. A salad police are still gathering up. A salad that was once named Elizabeth.” This line from the local news sums up the problem with bringing her back to life, there isn’t enough left to restore.

Jeffrey’s creative solution is to use another body, and attach Elizabeth’s head. Deciding he needed an easy target that would put herself in harm’s way, Jeffrey decides to kill a sex worker. This leads him to the most stereotypical downtown New York slum possible. Women yell “want a date” or “got any money” at passing cars.

Jeffrey meets a pimp named Zorro, who sells him crack and arranges a number of prostitutes for him to inspect. Jeffrey wants to find the perfect body to restore Elizabeth, so having more women gives him options. Of course, Jeffrey isn’t the type of person to kill somebody with his own hands. That would be messy, so he modifies the crack into super-crack…literally the name from the film. Super-crack causes living beings to explode, bloodlessly and with an explosion and shower of sparks.

Returning to the city, Jeffrey inspects a dozen hookers for the perfect body. It’s a ridiculous scene in which he measures, pokes and prods the women like meat. The girls go along with it, because it’s easy money. I love how they roll their eyes the entire time. The hookers know how ridiculous the whole situation is. When time’s up and he has to choose, Jeffrey finds he can’t.

Ignoring his moral quandary, the hookers discover the super-crack Jeffrey brought along. They overpower him and immediate smoke it all. The audience is treated to the most ridiculous mass death scene committed to film. A dozen women explode in bursts of fire and sparks. The film cuts from live actors to mannequins rigged with explosives. Zorro busts through the door demanding to know what is happening. The moment he gets in, the decapitated head of the lead hooker flies through the air and knocks him out cold.

Later in the film Zorro recounts the experience in an amazing scene. “They didn’t leave. They didn’t go nowhere. They just blew up. Fucking exploded! One minute they’re my bitches, the next they’re in pieces all over.” Jeffrey leaves with garbage bags full of parts.

With plenty of body parts to choose from, Jeffrey restores Elizabeth to life. However, the various hooker parts overwhelm her personality. She rampages back to New York “looking for a date.” Her face is pure white, her hair and lips deep purple. Add in a number of obvious scars and massive stitching holding her together, and Frankenhooker makes for the oddest sight I’ve seen in any film.

Actor Patty Mullen sells the monster she becomes. Most of the men she approaches are terrified of her, which they should be, but it’s believable when she finally finds her John. Despite her odd appearance, Patty Mullen’s beauty is obvious. They perfectly balanced attractive and scary in appearance, and then Mullen plays her with the same balance. She’s off putting, but only a little more than the other prostitutes.

Jeffrey tracks her down, but at the same time Zorro finds her. This leads to a finale which involves Frankenhooker’s head being punched off, Elizabeth’s personality restored, Jeffrey being murdered and , Zorro killed by a mishmash of reanimated hooker parts. It’s exactly as insane as it all sounds. The highlight of the ending though is Elizabeth’s storyline.

Jeffrey reattaches Elizabeth’s head, and somehow her original personality is restored. At first she’s impressed with his procedure, because it is remarkable. Then she realizes her body isn’t her own, and is rightly horrified. She can feel the other women still inside her. “I love you Elizabeth, no more than ever” Jeffrey tells her right before his death.

Elizabeth uses Jeffrey’s notes to recreate the procedure and bring him back to life.

Elizabeth

I can explain. Obviously since your serum only works on female body parts, I couldn’t reuse your old body or even Zorro’s. So naturally, I had to make changes. Granted what I did may have been a bit unorthodox, but hey, you look great and you’re alive. You’re back with me and I love you. I love you Jeffrey and we’re together again.

I love how the ending flips the target of the procedure to reveal the horror behind the operation. Jeffrey sees no problem throughout the film with resurrecting Elizabeth using different body parts. If anything, he’s excited to “improve” her body. Then when she does the very same thing to him, he’s horrified at the transformation he’s undergone.

There’s clearly gender and transphobia issues in this ending, but I don’t think Frankenhooker is worthy of real in-depth analysis. It’s B-movie shlock. That Jeffrey gets an unhappy ending while Elizabeth gets her revenge is enough for me. If you’re in the mood for a great bad movie, check out Frankenhooker. It’s available for rent on Youtube for $3.99!